It didn't start with words. I was adopted by my maternal grandparents. I knew them as mom and dad. My biological mom was my sister. My 'friend' who kept visitng or living with us and my sister was my half brother. So when I refer to my mom and dad I mean my maternal grandparents, always and forever. When heavily referencing my biological and adoptive mom I typically say my bio/biological mom vs real mom.

It started slowly when I was about to hit middle school is when my brother let it slip I was adopted. My parents weren't upset just nervous over what my reaction would be and when I wasn't uoset my biological mother and mom basically got into a war.

I had to get the most extravagent gifts for both at all holidays. I had to pretend to hate the other in front of one (ie hanging with bio mom I said I hated mom and vice versa). While all this was going on I was also dealing with a "live in friend" my mother allowed into the home since I was a child. This man molested me for years.

I had many breakdowns. The first was when I found out my biological father was dead and I would never meet him. The next was when my biological mom's family wanted into my life maliciously to take me away from my parents. The third was dealing constantly with both my biological and real mom's constant alcoholism and crying on my shoulder from ages 7 to 18 (when I lived in my car. There's a happy ending but that's for another time). The fourth was my borther constantly molesting me then eventually raping me (something no one knows of not even my fiance). I don't blame my brother as I'm sure it was hard on him to as before we were brother and sister my parents encouraged us to be friends and well we both were sexually abused and ended up falling in love and then despair when we found oht wee were related. The rape was after we found out. After /I/ did.

The worst thing that was said to me? That all of this was my fault. It was told to me by my biological mother's mom (my bio mom's mom and my dad got divorced due ti her cheating on him for a pastor). She ver batim sent me one day

"Whatever happened to you, horrific or not, is due to the fact you never cried out"

I'm sorry I was a child balancing the mental wellbeing of multiple adults to the point I got so heavily abused both in and outside the home (not mentioned here) my entire life. My first memory is being touched by my brother's father. I will never know if it was sexual or not. I didn't remember this until I kept trying to pinpoint why I was so afraid of him.

I'm sorry I was such a broken child that you, a well of financially, adult decided to place the blame of the entire family onto me. They've never reached out since.