We started dating about three months after my first girlfriend broke up with me. That's probably largely the reason why things didn't work out between us. I was still emotionally hung up on my first (I think we all go a little bit too deep the first time). Anyway, throughout our entire relationship, I thought constantly about how perfect she was and how awful I was for not feeling anything for her. I knew I should feel amazingly loved, but I didn't. I told her that I felt that way, and she understood... For awhile. A few months later I'd gotten a little distant due to my depression (unhappy events took place in my life) and she ultimately blew up at me for treating her like "less than a friend." We talked, and I'd hoped that we'd stay together, but I knew that it was better for her that we split up. I also knew that I'd end up feeling for her eventually and it'd hurt like fuck.

Fast forward five months and that's exactly what happened. We'd become friends again (pretty close ones, she's since become my best friend, or at least I hers) and I started to have some serious feelings. Unfortunately, this was around graduation and I knew that I'd be leaving for college come August and would have to leave her, anyway. To make matters worse, she'd also gotten a new boyfriend since we broke up (after only a month or so, actually). She said she still felt for me and would have no issue getting back together if the cards fell that way, but they were stacked wrong at that time. She wasn't wrong. We fooled around a bit over the summer and hung or with each other in a non-romantic way as well. We stayed friends while I was at college. During that time, though, my feelings intensified dramatically. Come winter break, (the week before Christmas actually) I told her all about how I felt. That was actually the first time that I told her I loved her. I was honest. Again, though, it was a case of 'wrong time for us.' After a few days of not knowing what was going on, we resolved to end it. (Though nothing was actually happening at that point. We simply agreed that nothing ever would.) We're still amazing friends, but I can't get over how perfect she was and how much I fucked up.

Thanks for letting me get that out, OP.