I should have realized it when...

I came home over the moon about an accomplishment at work and he told me that I had no reason to celebrate because what I was excited about wasn’t really an accomplishment.

When someone exclaimed how I was insightful and seemed to always be right about things and I laughed and genuinely said, “it’s so funny you say that because my husband is always the one that is right at home”

When I expressed to my husband that I wasn’t sure why he married me and he told me that if I wasn’t sure, he would call his lawyer in the morning.

When we were headed to a work event for me and he didn’t want to go so he made me cry all the way there and when I turned around to go home he felt bad and told me to turn around and go back and since I wouldn’t he got out of the car when I getting money at the ATM for the sitter and walked away across a busy street, wouldn’t answer the phone and didn’t come home for hours.

When he belittled my religious beliefs and would not let up to the point where I was crying while we were on date night.

When he threw a chair across the room because I was trying to tell him to not encourage our kindergartener to challenge her teacher over how to write a certain letter.

When he repeatedly told me (a former professional actress/singer) he didn’t like my voice and actively made it difficult for me to get involved in singing again.

And on and on and on.

I realized it when...

I snapped because he was drunk and taunting our daughter for accidentally breaking one of her brother’s toys.

I told him I was done and didn’t waver. Took about a year of standing my ground despite constant attempts on his part and then half a year to have signed papers.