It’s very sad and twisted but I have heard more than one person suffering from an ED refer to death as if it was the ultimate win to the point of being jealous of people online who had passed at super low weights. Weird but it must mess with your mind.

I’ve personally never had an ED and I am grateful for that…but before I recovered from my addiction I ODd many times on heroin mostly and I remember waking up in the ER under a fake name being angry they’d given me narcan because I was getting sick and it had taken me some time to cop that day. So instead of thanking them for saving my life and thinking about how close to death I just was, I was just annoyed. Also annoyed when they cut up some of my clothing in the ER once. It messes with your perception and your mind As does the constant lies, pain and BS surrounding that world. I knew I was k*lling myself and I tried in more direct ways as well. Finally I faced all my demons and fears and did the work with support from friends family loved ones and professionals and now I have over a decade clean, closer to two now. I help many people who are still struggling and those who need help as well now both as a volunteer and as a career.