3. When was the last time you cried, and why?

When was the last time you cried, and why?

If we're not counting recently:

Freshman year of high school, almost 7 years ago. Girl broke my heart.

Recently: almost a month ago. My own family and people in general treat me like a menace to society. I'm loud, outspoken and I am blunt and brutally honest, and I'm always kidding around.. these are things I amplify to make someone smile or laugh, or just to get people talking. But i feel like such a burden on everyone. I always have since I was a kid. In general, I'm the class clown; I'm hilarious, the center of attention, the life of the party and I can make friends with literally anyone. I get good grades, I go on outdoor city adventures all the time and I go out with friends every chance I get. I'm that guy. but I feel like a pest because people make me out to be a pest. Not to mention I have anxiety, it spiked and I just drove to the gas station after work one day, parked behind the building and broke. It all just became too much.

I already have no will to live anymore. Despite the fact that I have no desire or urge to kill myself, I welcome death anytime. That same night I broke down crying at the gas station, I went home and just got fucking hammered. I am not a drinker by any means, but my dad had a 40 ounce of smirnoff vodka laying in our cabinet that I demolished. I wanted to see how I'd process my emotions while wasted, and it turns out I just sent texts and made phone calls telling all my friends that I loved them and will always have their backs. Honestly, I'm done. I'm happy with my life, I have hobbies, friends, a job, I have a really good life in general, but I don't want it anymore. I want to sleep eternally, that way I won't be able to get to anyone and no one can get to me. I want to be able to fall asleep tonight and never wake up. I want to fall asleep and maybe transition into a permanent coma.

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