To be honest, I understand why some Muslims are so defensive when it comes to ex-Muslims. Many use religion to criticize the Muslim community as a whole and it does not help that these arguments are then used by others to dehumanize this population.

But what many Muslims don't realize either is that ex-Muslims wouldn't be so extremist if there weren't so many fundamentalists preaching about their death or at least if they didn't trivialize the intolerance towards minorities of all kinds or misogyny. I feel like ex christians are not as violent in their speech because moderate christians dominate the religion.

I see it as a mirror. The more extremists and intolerants there are in the religion, the more those who reject it are violent in their speech and their gestures.