My step-mom is my mentor. She started dating my dad when I was 14, and I was such a rude jerk to her. I was sick of meeting dad's girlfriends because he was a serial dater--it would last a few months and BOOM!, here's a new one. These women were all so hungry to land my dad (athletic, affluent, etc). Gross.
My mom and my sister had been my only role models. My mom cheated on my dad, and they divorced after 14 years of marriage. My mom dated a string of ho-hum, okayish guys before deciding to marry the sleaziest one. She became a swinger, and that was hard to process when I was in my teens and 20s. Super gross. (Fun fact, they're still together...eww)
My sister (much older) had a few pregnancies (all aborted or miscarried) and n count of at least 100 by the time she was 21. She has since married twice and is in a marriage now that is described in FB as "it's complicated," so I'm assuming it's an open marriage.
So when my step-mom entered the scene, I had a low opinion of men, women, and marriage in general. She changed all that. She was not trampy. She was not a gold digger. She was sweet and kind. I was waiting for Super Bitch to finally come out. (And so was my dad, apparently...we were not accustomed to this type of woman).
He wanted her to move in. She said no. She had standards that she believed in, and she was willing to stand by them (religious reasons). She wasn't going to allow some guy to climb on the ship and be her captain unless he was willing to make that commitment.
They have now been married 20 years so far. My dad talks about how she is the most honest, kindest person he knows. (He was accustomed to women being manipulative psychos.). She is in fantastic shape and runs every other day. They are both very athletic, healthy, and good-looking.
She has many hobbies. She sews a lot of dresses and skirts for my daughter and me. We're both librarians (see how much I admire her?) though she is in a school setting, and I work in a public library. She loves to read, garden, cook, travel, etc. My dad needs a lot of solo time (to fly planes or go fishing or whatever by himself), and she is happy to give that to him. What a great pair.
She taught me some important things.
1) she told me to go live in a dorm I college, which helped me get out of my comfort zone and learn how to live with others better
2) she told me to live on my own before getting married so I could learn how to adult on my own (pay bills, cook, etc) and so I could rid myself of the notions that "life would have been so much easier if I never had gotten married."
3) She encouraged me to stay home with the baby. Before that when I was single, she reinforced the importance of marriage (versus "shacking up") and the pitfalls of casual sex.
4) when I went through that terrifying "honeymoon over phase" early in my marriage, she had some honest, important words about marriage and sex--most importantly, she helped me to really take divorce out of my mind as a solution to any marital woes.
My dad and step-mom have a really lovely, authentic life. When I think of the kind of woman I aspire to be, it's her. It's not about being a Stepford Wife--no one is perfect. It's about being a wife who lives up to that role.