I work in a very busy emergency room with a lot of (what I see as) unnecessary and distracting gossip and drama. At one point about 4.5 years ago, I started dating a coworker who was at the time one of the most popular and attractive people we work with. At the time I was only 21 and he was 30. I was also very quiet and to some extent socially awkward when we started dating and I couldn't believe someone like him would want to date someone like ME. I'm pretty attractive (according to most people) but very insecure and come from a family with a strong history of emotional abuse and I've always been labeled "weird" or "quirky" by people in every social group in my entire life.
I became completely enamored with him. About 6 months in, after moving in with him against my parents wishes (and them basically disowning me), I find out he's on drugs. He heavily abused opiates. Additionally, he's shady with his female friends and his ex of 9 years. Me, having no self esteem (long story short) end up spending 3 years of my life trying to help him get clean while he financially and emotionally manipulates me. A few times, he also physically abused me (even knocking me out cold once and giving me a black eye and a CHI from which I still suffer some memory loss and other issues). His mother got sick at one point 2 years in when I was about to dump him and leave after many last straws. I moved with him to BFE to be closer to her and decided to keep supporting him. The reasons for my staying with him go very deep and are extremely complicated but basically they involve shame, wanting to keep the status quo, and some misguided yearning to fix him because part of me believed if I could fix him maybe I'd be fixing my emotionally abusive and substance abusing parents.
I became engaged to him after he proposed to ne with a ring that he got with money on a loan from his dying mother, who I talked to and checked in on more than he even did. Meanwhile, he continues to steal my money to the point that I am hiding cash taped behind picture frames and sleeping with my wallet and car keys under my pillow. All while going to nursing school full time and working more than full time to support us as he consistently does no call/no shows at work but is protected by management because he uses his extreme charm on everyone around him. Even despite the fact that management is aware of his substance abuse (there have been quite a few reports from patients and coworkers that he seems consistently intoxicated). He is also very intelligent and an interesting conversationalist.
He ends up physically assaulting my father at a wedding while fucked up on drugs, stealing my car for several days knowing I have school and work to go to, just to get fucked up. I finally leave him about a year and a half ago, get my own apartment, manage to finish off nursing school working 60+ hours in the hospital and waitressing. Hardest shit I've ever been through.
The part of the story that makes me a nice person and makes me come last: I never went after his job, went to management, or spread gossip around work about him, despite him trying to prevent me from moving up at work by telling management IM the one on drugs in his paranoia. 2 weeks after I called off our wedding, he is parading a new girl around the unit as his girlfriend. I was consistently kind toward her (even in several instances when others were not and even took her under my wing at one point) and kind to him him and extremely professional. However, due to the fact that I am very reserved and focused in my work, ignoring much of the gossip, he is still much more popular than I am and people tend to constantly ask about our previous relationship and say how "he's such a nice guy." None of them know about how he truly is and I'm not going to go around gossiping about him. He still uses the $600 phone I bought him and I lost more than $8000 dollars on the wedding we planned before I left him. I know a lot of my coworkers believe some story he told them about him calling off the wedding and leaving ME. I just have no desire to correct them or engage in the drama that is trying to convince them otherwise.
My new boyfriend is in medical school and might do some of his rotations through our ER. I'm extremely nervous about anyone knowing we are dating and it getting back to my ex. I'm afraid he'll find some way to ruin the best relationship I've had in many, many years.