The description you gave of your ex really jumped out at me. I was previously engaged to someone (we were together almost 6yrs) that had such a similar personality. He was absolutely brilliant and hysterical. I haven't laughed with my whole heart since we broke up because only he could bring that out in me and we both loved each other wildly. Unfortunately, as you said, love isn't all the work, it's what makes it worth the work and he put no effort in anything. He was never diagnosed with Aspergers but he had all the signs. After we broke up, multiple and random people asked me if he had it and I was absolutely floored but when I thought back, he had so many of the tendencies. Extremely socially awkward with pretty much everyone besides like 5 people but he was such a narcissist that he truly believed that he was charming and socially functional. He would tell me about the confidence he would have making work related speeches and yet he had such a hard time holding normal conversations with anyone but me. He once gave the most awkward best man speech that literally made the entire room uncomfortable and he walked away thinking that the delivery was great but he blamed me because I wrote the speech. Meanwhile the problem was that he completely butchered it, didn't read off the paper, broke out in a sweat, had awkward silences and was incoherent but he never once said that he bombed it because he thinks that highly of himself, he just blamed me like always. He also swore he was so empathetic but had such difficulty understanding why and how I felt certain ways. I think he confused empathy with an ability to read people and prey on their weaknesses which was why he chose a sucker like me that let him completely control and step on me. He believed that I had ulterior motives to everything I said and did because that's how he was. He dumped me six weeks before our wedding and then was blown away that I wasn't awaiting his return after two months of us being broken up. He played such sick mind games. Anytime I approached him with something that legitimately bothered me, he was capable of redirecting and turning around the conversation in a way that made me apologize to him which built so much anger in me because nothing that bothered me was ever resolved. He would show me so much love and affection one day and would make me feel like he couldn't breathe without me and then next day he would tell me he's moving to another state or he's never marrying me or he's never having kids just to show me that I'm disposable. When he actually did dispose of me, he was shocked that I moved on and met someone else. To be honest, I don't know how I did because I was so entranced by him, I really just got to a point that I felt dead on the inside and I'm not one for self-loathing so I needed to get myself out of that depression. I'm now engaged to a wonderful person that makes me feel loved and secure and important with every sentence he utters. He values me and my opinions rather than shooting them down and making me feel insignificant. Truth is, I'm not over the whole experience in being involved with someone like that. I still haven't gotten closure because I loved him so deeply. I was just waiting for something in his head to click. For him to see how much I was willing to give and sacrifice. I would seek his approval so much and it's a strange feeling to not have that anymore. To be with someone that I don't have to impress and that doesn't have one foot out the door because that was what I equated love to be. I guess you reached a point where you felt anger but I still haven't gotten there. I almost wish that I had a little anger and hate for him because even though I have reflected so much and realized how unhappy my quality of life would have been with him, I still wonder if he could have realized these parts of himself. I can't help it. Anyway, I'm sorry for the rant, I just really connected to what you wrote. And had he gone through with the marriage, I have no doubt in my mind that it would have ended in an ugly divorce. Anyway, best of luck in the next phase of your life. You're going to finally realize what a catch you truly are.