Vjonblark rested his second head on a tentacle, looking tired. They had had such great hopes for the diplomatic mission to Kepler 318D. The messages were primitive but that did not mean they could look down on the Keplerian Dees, as they'd been nicknamed in the interplanetary press, for they were a young species, and, from what had been observed, forced to deal with sudden atmospherically and climate changes. The QRSA (Querakaksao-Rjsozoa Space Agency)'s monitors had picked up rising levels of carbon dioxide and methane in the atmosphere of the small dwarf planet. Although that would be hailed as a scientific miracle back home, Vjonblark was no optimist, and he had understood that the Keplerian Dees would undoubtedly have different biological processes and may be affected negatively by the drastic shift. Still, all monitors had shown basic levels of civilisation was still present and thermal imaging allowed for an increase in Keplerian Dee sentient forms, although the 'unknowns', who's images had appeared but who seemed to not have been sentient or perhaps working with the Keplerian Dees had decreased.

He was not looking forward to reporting back to the Supreme Leader Msjswkjciw. She was from the south west of his home planet and lived up to the stereotype of them being hot headed, violent and angry. She would not, he thought, respond well to the failure of such a mission. Mentally, he rehearsed his speech. 'First they fired arrows at us, then they propositioned us for sexual intercourse and then they said we'd been leading them on only to relegate them to the 'friend zone'! Your Majesty, they are hostile to contact and further diplomatic relations are, in my opinion, likely to worsen the situation.

He did have some interesting things to tell anthropologists, at least. The Keplerian Dees were clever for their lack of universal knowledge. The 'friendzone', which appeared to be a sacred site- for religious punishment, perhaps?- and the naming of their weapons ('nuclear weapons' was such a unique word for a primitive arrow, and yet, Vjonblark thought, a strangely endearing one too) would be of particul interest.