James hurriedly barged into his small two room apartment clutching his prize: a two thousand year old artisan bong made of clay. James was a life long pot head and an amateur archeologist, so when he saw the bong in his local pawn shop he just had to get it. The thing had arcane writing and symbols on it that James couldn't identify and it was a bit dusty, but it was in otherwise pristine condition. James quickly got a giant bag of the dankest kush he had from the back of his closet and tossed it onto his table. James was almost ready to go, but first he needed to fill the bong with water. He went over to the his sink and turned the water on, rubbing the dust off of the ancient bong as he did. What followed utterly surprised him.
A thick blue smoke started to pour out bong and it quickly coalesced into a humanoid form with the upper body of an over stacked body builder and with a lower body that consisted of nothing more than a trail a smoke that lead into the bong. He had blue skin and a chiseled manly face with a painted beard on his otherwise completely bald head. James was still standing in shock as the statuesque figure spoke out in a booming voice:
"You have summoned me after two thousand years! I am the mythical Genie of the Bong. As you have summoned me you are now my master and I shall grant you three wishes. Anything that your heart may desire I shall bring into being for you!"
James just stood there, his mouth agape at what was happening and thoughts racing through his head.  An old clay bong that he got from a pawn store being the resting place of one of one of those crazy genies? He wasn't dreaming, was he? Was this really for real? 
James finally manged collect what remained of his composure and stammered out "W-w-wait, so.. you're like a real genie and everything? Like the ones from the movies that grant wishes and everything?"
The genie looked at James with a slightly nonplussed look on his face. "That is what I said when you summoned me, did I not? And as for granting wishes like genies in the "movies" do, I will grant you any three wishes you desire. You need simply to start your wish with the phrase "I wish" and I will bring whatever you say into being."
"Wait, so I can get absolutely any wish I want? With no restrictions or rules or anything?"
The genie snorted at that "What? Do I look like one of those genies? Just because Shadelleth sent down a decree to all genies that they must follow certain rules for granting wishes doesn't mean that they actually have to follow them. Who gives a damn about making sure that wishers maintain a sense of responsibility with their wishes. They're the ones making the wishes so they get to make their wishes, not be constrained by some stupid rules put onto them from above."
James bemusedly stood there at that "So wait dude... who's Shadelleth?"
"It matters not to you..." the genie narrowed his eyes and looked more closely at James "young mortal. What matters is that you have three opportunities to get anything that your heart desires. Simply begin with "I wish" and the rest will come to you."
James looked up at the genie "This is, like, all cool and all and stuff, but how do I know that you are a real genie that can grant me wishes and stuff?"
"Was my appearance and my otherworldly nature not enough to convince the young master? Does he wish to a demonstration of what I can do? Fine then." With a snap of his fingers both James and the genie were unceremoniously teleported to some tiny tropical island in the middle of nowhere.
With another snap of his fingers, the genie summoned what seemed to be a beautiful beach side resort with some of the most attractive ladies that James had ever seen while he found himself suddenly reclining  in a chair with one of the beauties bringing him a tropical smoothie with a paper umbrella in the cup.
"Woah." Was the most James could get himself to say at the moment.
With another snap of his fingers, the genie made it all disappear leaving James to land gracelessly onto the sand below him. "There. Is that not proof enough that I am more than capable of fulfilling your wishes? Now ask for them young master." His voice was tinged with more than a just a hint of impatience.
"I mean, like, dude. You just out of nowhere and ask me to just give you three wishes on the spot like that? You're gonna have to give me some time to come up with something, man. I hardly know where to start."
The genie simply huffed and said "Well for starters, how about you get yourself off this island? Unless you plan on staying here for a while that is."
"Hey! You were the one that brought us here! Why do I have to waste a wish to get out of here?"
"Everyone gets a free one; I used your free wish to take you here and demonstrate my power."
"You never told me that I get a free wish! What gives man!"
"Did I not? I could of sworn that I did. Well it matters not for the young master as your free wish has been used."
"What!? That's bullshit! Are you really just going to waste two of my wishes just like that?"
"Those are the rules, young master. I am a genie. I follow the rules, I do not make them."
"Fine then. I wish that we were back in my apartment"
"Done!" and with a snap of his fingers both the genie and James were back in his apartment with everything exactly as he left it. "That was your first wish. Now what are your other two? Please hurry with them, I don't have all day."
James look up quizzically at the genie. "What do you mean you don't have all day? I am your master, right? You should be able to just take my wishes whenever they come to me."
A sly grin slowly spread across the genie's lips "Oh yes, you are certainly my master, but there is a part of the genie's code that says that the offer of three wishes only stands until sundown on the day we are summoned, it was decreed by Shadelleth himself."
James closed his eyes and rubbed his temples "Goddamn genie rules not making any goddamn sense. All right then man, just give me a quick minute to think of something."
Both James and the genie continued to stand there in awkward silence for what must of been a good ten minutes before James finally spoke up "OK, OK. I think I've got something." The genie leaned in closer with a look of excited anticipation on his chiseled features. "I wish..." James took a deep breath. "I wish that I had a nice house all to myself with all the money I could ever want or need." The genie gave him a disappointment look upon hearing the wish
"Hmph, I was hoping for some a bit different. Done!" the genie snapped his fingers and suddenly they found themselves in a rather spacious and stylishly furnished room. Upon the walls hung paintings of various sorts and the entire place was in absolutely pristine condition.
"Woah man, this is sick." James stared around him with wide eyes taking it all in. Suddenly he snapped his gaze onto the genie. "W-wait, what about the money? Where's that?"
"Why don't you check for yourself, young master?" The genie tossed a cellphone at James who fumbled it and almost dropped it, but he managed to recover it at the last second before it hit the polished hardwood floors of his new house. Turning it on the phone was already open to his personal bank account listing his balance as being a flat one hundred million dollars. James starred and whistled at that.
"You really are the real deal aren't you? I was thinking you were going to some asshole genie but you really made it come true huh?" The genie simply smirked.
"You have but one wish remaining young master and the day is quickly coming to close. What is your final wish?"
James looked up the genie and gave him a big innocent grin. "You know, I have always wanted to score big with the chicks. I wish that all the girls in the world loved me and wanted to be with me. Oh yeah! And also make them all smokin' hot too."
The genie smiled at that and snapped his fingers "Done."
Almost immediately James heard a furious knocking on his front door. Giving the genie a happy look he went to the front door to answer it. What he saw horrified him.
A massive crowd had suddenly appeared in front of his new house and all of them were alight in a massive conflagration. They were all writhing and screaming, begging that James save them from a fiery death. James immediately shut his door and locked it in a fright and turned to face the genie.
"What the hell man! I thought you were cool! Why would you do this dude! I Demand as your master that you fix this!"
The genie merely laughed at him "Sorry, but your three wishes are up and now I'm free." As the genie said that, the clay bong that his lower smokey half came from disintegrated into a fine dust. "I just needed to grant three more wishes to some loser and now I can get out of this horrible place! Hope you enjoy all the "smokin' hot" chicks out there." And with that, the genie winked out of existence leaving a distraught James standing there wondering what he had just done.