3. [WP]You get a new roommate: A carpenter named Jesus. At first you shake it off a...

[WP]You get a new roommate: A carpenter named Jesus. At first you shake it off as a coincidence, until one day you find all your bottled water has suddenly been turned into wine.

Perks of living with Jesus Christ:

  • Our food never goes bad, and I never seem to reach the end.
  • He is great at a party. I grabbed one bag of chips and it fed fifty three people.
  • He has a lot of really dedicated friends who helped us put the furniture together. I mean, carpenters are great at this stuff. He even built me a desk out of the spare parts.
  • I used to wear glasses and he just took care of it. I mean, I had a lot of health issues: bad back, injury from basketball when I was 10, achy shoulder. Nope, he gave me a hug and even my teeth were back to being healthy. It's amazing.
  • My cat has never been healthier either, now that I think about it.
  • My boyfriend had herpes and now... well no herpes.

Kind of weird stuff:

  • He stays with his friend Paul when I get my period. He says it's not clean to be in the apartment during this time.
  • His 12 friends are over all the time, and Judas keeps trying to kiss Jesus, which is fucking weird because Jesus is dating Mary Maggie. It is awkward how friendzoned that dude is.
  • He has a lot of people over for Bible study.
  • He can be a little preachy
  • His mother was a teen mom, so he keeps saying everyone else can do it. Not everyone has a God for a father dude. Like really.
  • I got my dog spayed and the moment Jesus pets her, she has her stuff back. I mean, I spent $50, and keep having to take her back. Stop petting my dog dude.
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