3. [WP] World's least useful superhero has a hard time convincing people that he po...

[WP] World's least useful superhero has a hard time convincing people that he possesses real powers and not party magic tricks

"Do the thing again Jake!" a clearly drunk girl was dragged up to me by an even more inebriated guy who I "performed" for earlier. "It's actually Jeremy, not Jake" I corrected as I took my hand out of my pocket and aimed at a liter of soda sitting by the fire. Suddenly the bottle disappeared into the ground leaving a slight eastward track in the sand. "Oh my god!" the girl jumped back laughing. "How'dja do that?" she said as she spun around lazily to face me. I get asked this question a lot. I think the first time I replied with "I dunno". But after some experiments I found that I could feeeze objects in space with my mind. Sounds cool right? Well the thing is I'm always moving, but not by choice. I just so happen to live on a planet that's always turning, always orbiting the sun wich is whirling around our galaxy. Within a second, everything I freeze is a thousand miles away in space somewhere. I tried to tell people what is actually happening, but everyone just thinks it's part of my act. So instead I just use my powers to mess with people or show off to girls. So I started my usual explanation. "It's quite simple" I said as I raised an eyebrow at her. "See I froze it in time and space so earth left it behind as we travel through the cosmos". This was a great way to sound smart after showing them my trick, but it was also true which I always got a chuckle out of. She went to go inspect the sand where the bottle had disappeared, and when she couldn't find it began to search for strings or trapdoors or whatever. I always picked my targets carefully and the soda was perfect. For some reason there were people that thought BYOB was an invitation to bring cheap cola and drink everyone else's booze. So as long as it wouldn't be missed, I was happy to put it to better use. "Yeah that's what he told me too" said the guy, "but how does it really work?" "A magician never tells dude" I promptly replied feeling slightly less cool. I almost wish it was all an act sometimes, if only I could just pull the liter out of a hat and wow everyone with actual magic. But no, I was just born with this power to litter the universe with crap for no good reason. Slightly disappointed the guy went and got his girl out of the sand as she had just given up on finding my "secret". I sat down in front of the fire again and stared at the sand as I made grain by grain shoot into the earth. (I'll add more upon request)

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