(I am under a new account for obvious reasons)

Dear Husband,

Thank you for loving me. I know you really do. In fact, I know that you love me more than anything. I can tell by the little things you do: come to bed, and hug me when you think I'm asleep. How you take care of me for days when I am sick. How you react when we have had a fight, and I want some air- how it bothers you that I might leave, even for an hour, because of some arguement we have had.

Thank you for that. Thank you for so much more than that. You got me to a good place in life emotionally and financially (though I did do a lot of my own work on the financial front). Anyway, I will always be indebted to you for it.

I don't love you, not like you love me. You love me passionately, I often fantasize about meeting a man who I feel similarly towards - someone who I can't live without. Sometimes I pray for it, even though I know its wrong.

Our marriage has always been one of convenience to me and I think you know that. But before, I used to feel more for you. I am not sure if that is your fault or mine. We have both changed tremendously in the decade-plus that we have been together. Maybe I just long for a man with a different personality now. Someone less controlling, someone who doesn't make up arbitrary rules. Someone who cares less about money.

I am so glad that we could not have kids. It would hurt them if I left and I would be even more trapped than I am.

Part of me is already gone. I wonder if you see it? Maybe you're blind to it. I've already decided that I'll give you what you what if I go. You deserve it. If you want the house, its yours. I'll make your car payments. Whatever makes you happier.

I've packed my bags twice so far and it felt so good doing it, but in the end I stayed for it was more convenient to stay. One day I'll go though. If I meet someone else or if you push me far enough.

I'm sorry.

Your wife.