I was inactive for so long because I was mostly living on the high of posting a great picture of my cat. Check out that cute cat! His name is Chuck and he is a star.

Here's some actual insider info - cutting through the propaganda:

Yelp records their sales reps. So if you ever feel uncomfortable about something a Yelp sales person has said to you, you can request that you get a copy of that recording. Obviously they delete things over time, so try to ask for the recording while you're still on the call. Keep in mind, most of these folks are right out of college and are actually really nice kids trying to figure out what the fuck they're doing with their lives.

Users put a lot of weight on photos. So business owners can actually get a boost by adding content like photos to their page, even if they have mixed or poor reviews.

Yelp only recently converted from an impressions based advertising system to a cost-per-click system. If you're on the old impression advertising program, research your click-through rate and figure out if if makes sense to convert to the cost-per-click programs. These are generally much more effective - especially if you're a more niche business. And account managers will not reach out to you to get you on a better program - they do not have your best interests at heart, they just want to keep you placated. You'll need to push them.

Most of the Yelp Sales people get yelled at all the time. They often cry in the bathrooms - it's pretty sad. The turnover is really high. They don't want to waste time talking to someone who's angry and never going to buy ads. It's demoralizing.

You can often save yourself many more phone calls from that sad Yelp sales rep by having the business owner (they won't take it from anyone else) say "We're truly not looking to grow our business right now, but thanks for calling. Please put us on your Do Not Call List. Please send me an email confirmation that I am on your Do Not Call List." Use very specific language about this - not just "don't call me".

If you do decide you want to talk to someone from Yelp, you'll have to go into you business owners account and change your settings before they are legally allowed to reach out to you.

If you receive any calls after you've been told you're placed on the Do Not Call list, be nice but firm and demand to speak with a manager.

Sorry for calling you a spaz. You just really got my goat by being so mean!