I certainly don't mean to suggest that you are! I could probably have done a better job emphasizing that I think there is a genuine rhetorical and 'correct the record' value to defining TERFs as 'not feminist' in particular and that at least IMO the good probably outweighs the bad. I'd only used OP as a framing to make sure I understood what you were responding to, sorry to come across like I thought you were attacking them!

It sounds like you are speaking from experience when talking about folks waving off problematic behavior as 'not really feminist' rather than doing something about it and I wouldn't want to diminish the importance of that as an issue either. I would definitely agree that using it as a way of washing our hands of something is not at all helpful or keeping transphobia out of those spaces.