I'm 31, working a dead-end job in an industry that I hate (finance). I've been looking for a new job and not having much luck. My house is a disaster due to renovations that have been ongoing for about a year now. I'm tired and frustrated and want it to be done but I can't finish them because I can't afford to. My relationship with my SO is on the rocks and neither of us seem to be too interested in fixing it. We have sex about once a month now, if that.
On top of that my gecko is sick with a double eye infection. The vet has never seen anything like it, and she's likely never going to get her vision back which just kills me. She's on anti-biotics and seems to be doing better, but its hard to say right now if she'll ever be able to eat on her own and that just breaks my heart. The vet bills are also breaking my heart.
I have family drama to deal with too. I live close to my grandfather and take him out when I can. He's come to depend on me for a lot of things which is nice and also frustrating because there's only so much that I can do for him, and no matter how much I do it just never seems to be enough. I have cousins coming from out of town to stay with me next weekend and my house is, like I said, a complete disaster.
And it just seems as though every single time I think I've turned a corner and things will get better, they get worse. And I'm just so fucking tired of fighting and putting up with shit only to be dealt more shit. Except I can't. I don't have the choice. I have to put up with my shitty job because my SO isn't working at the moment (though he's looking, and having about as much luck as I am), I will do everything I can to help my gecko get well, but I'm also having to face facts and accept that she may not ever recover. I will slog through the renovations and maybe one day I'll have the money to finish but in the mean time I live with unfinished floors, holes in my wall and drywall dust on everything. My grandfather was recently diagnosed with Parkinson's (though we suspect he's had it for some time now) and so I know that my days of taking him out for the day are numbered and he is not going to take it well, and will then take out his frustrations on me.
Very few of my friends know the extent of how bad things are. I tell each one a bit at a time. Some know about my relationship troubles, some know about my work problems. Most know about my crazy family but no one knows the whole story. Its too overwhelming for me to get my mind around most days.
I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm just treading water constantly and its exhausting and I'm just tired and fed up.