131 words Being a millennial is like trying to win a game of Monopoly, but all the other players have already been playing for three hours, and every property is owned and has a hotel on it.
119 words The main part about being an adult is having your bed in the center of the wall, instead of one of the corners.
202 words If you say “I’m smart” people automatically think you’re not smart.
141 words The more you grow old, the more you fall in love with the fact that no one gives a fuck about you.
207 words People who say they can't cook simply have no interest in learning how to cook.
146 words The record for longest kill probably doesn't belong to a professional sniper. It probably belongs to some dumbass that likes to randomly shoot his gun into the air.
143 words Companies are only using plus size female models but not plus size male models to advertise fashion items
331 words The weird, artsy, loner usually gets the girl in movies (instead of the jock) simply because many movies are written by weird, artsy, loners.
126 words Women who choose not to take their birth control are pretty much the same as anti vaxxers
113 words Since humans are a part of nature, everything man made is also natural. A skyscraper made by a human is comparable to a bird nest.
140 words Moms and dads work hard to buy a nice house and send their kids to good schools so that their kids can get a good job, work hard to buy a nice house and send their kids to good schools, so that their grandchildren can get good jobs, buy nice houses and send their kids to good schools.
104 words Caffeine is so widely accepted that it’s not even thought of as a drug.
285 words “The fuck” can successfully replace Who, What, When, Where, or Why at the beginning of any sentence
226 words The people making fun of millenials for not knowing how to use a rotary phone are the same people who didn't know how to set the time on their VCR.
147 words We have to pay to live on earth. Let that sink in. We pay to sleep. We pay to travel. We pay to be alive.
180 words People who compare losing a pet to losing a kid have obviously never lost a kid.
180 words "700 million people are smarter than you." may sound like an insult, but it would put you at the 90th percentile.
127 words When the Mayans predicted the world would end everybody freaked out but when scientists do we don't care
153 words If you don’t feel bad about taking medicine for a cold, you shouldn’t feel bad about taking medicine for depression.
122 words If being gay was genetic, there’d be a lot less gay people