I'd like to say that you're not alone. I'm 17 and have been going through the same thing. I've always liked reading books on spirituality and self improvement because I'm constantly trying to grow as a person. I can truly relate to what you said about how it's hard to talk about these things with other people. The people in my life are just uninterested in these kinds of things. I too have a lot going on internally. So long I've felt so numb to life. It just happens and I'm just witnessing it. I get so anxious and get hit by waves of sadness for no apparent reason. I think that the reason why I'm so drawn to books on spirituality and growth is because I'm try to fix myself. Though it may not be much, I'd just like to tell you that you aren't alone in this.