Honestly, I feel like a horrible girlfriend most of the time. We've talked about what he needs, and he says all he needs is time to himself to play games and for me to hug him and tell him that I love him. I make sure he has time to sit at his computer every day, and on the weekends when I'm tired I suggest he stays up so he can have a bit of alone time. He's not great at making plans with his friends, and it pretty much never happens unless I suggest he writes them and makes plans. I think it's important for him to maintain his friendships. I always tell him thank you when he does something for me, and I try to hug him as much as I can but when I feel bad my skin becomes really sensitive so it can be difficult.

I know he tends to bottle things up and not share what he feels because he's afraid of making me sad. I think it's the same reason why he tends to "ignore" my problems - he's afraid that he'll make me sad by bringing them up. I've tried to tell him that there is nothing he can say about my situation that I'm not already thinking about, so he shouldn't be afraid to say anything. Likewise, I really want to get the opportunity to be there for him and support him, but I don't know how to do that when he doesn't share and wait until he has bottled up enough stuff that it comes out as anger.

I really want to be a good partner, but it's difficult when I am so foggy in my head and feel like I do. I want nothing else than get help and get to a point where I can be as strong and independent that I feel like I am personality wise - my diagnosis isn't me. But now I'm also afraid that he wants me to be dependent on him, since he usually become upset when I feel good and don't "need him". I think he likes being the "caregiver", but at the same time it makes him feel trapped?