It was potentially a deal breaker with anyone.

That's the case for any dealbreaker.

Is that just as much of a grievance? I mean, they might grow up to be someone both they and their partner didn't expect. Shouldn't they have predicted that?

Look, there's a reason most people in Western countries get married in their late 20s or early 30s these days. At that point, people change a lot less.

You start mixing up things quite a bit. You have a past you knew might be a dealbreaker for someone, and you still decided to go ahead and not be honest about it. I know trauma is stressful, but you knew that it might cause issues at one point further down the road.

You're now basically living the consequences of you hiding your past for so long.