I really need some help.
I've had a platonic/business relationship with a married woman for a couple years. We're about 30, white collar professionals. I'm not married. Our relationship for awhile was very cordial/professional and I never really thought anything of her and we just said hi/bye. One day, we bumped into each other outside of work ... started chatting a bit about social/non-work stuff ... a couple hours just went by in a moment.
From there, we had spent a lot of time together but always platonic. During that period, I don't think I had any romantic feelings for her and her the same towards me - I respected her a lot and we're both very hard working and pushed each other professionally and I just enjoyed her perspective and I felt like I was getting more out of myself being around her. There would also be some steam to blow off and were able to relate to each other very closely given the specific work circumstances.
Recently, some work elements have changed and now I don't see her essentially everyday like I did before. I really miss her a lot and I didn't expect it. I felt invigorated by her and now just feel so 'flat' and I just feel distracted from everything I'm trying to accomplish each day. I'm just distracted constantly now and it's important for me to be 'dialed in' and focused and I just can't get there at all. It's been like this for maybe six months. No real thoughts - just kind of see her face in my mind's eye.
We still talk/text frequently - she'll initiate. I miss her in the interim though - I feel very silly about that. I'll get over it, then hear from her, then the distractedness starts again. In reality, I always want to hear from her ... can't get enough.
These kinds of platonic relationships were a normal part of my life and I didn't think anything of getting involved in a friendship with her too. Those other relationships have come and gone naturally with no hangups. I'm not really sure what's going on here - I think I just might be infatuated for now and just realizing the values that I'm attracted to as her personality is about 180 degrees from most of the girls I've spent time with save for one, who I also admired and she inspired me as well. At the same time, typing that out sounds crazy and that I'm lying to myself about her. I'll add another element is that I've been skirting relationships a bit and perhaps I'm realizing I'm getting to a point where it might make sense to being more open about moving things forward.
As a result of how I've been feeling after we've been 'separated' from each other, I'm worried that I actually might have feelings for her and should just end this now.
If I was married, I feel like I still would want her to be a part of my life but I just think all of this isn't practical in reality and there's basically no way things can work out so neatly. It might be best for us to just move on from each other and our relationship to just be a casualty.
I really don't know what to do and it seems like any decision is a bad one.