He isn't okay with it, I just don't think we've come to any kind of decision on how to proceed; my own family can be shitty, for different reasons, so I handle them without taking my husband into account because I can and he's fine with it. But I don't feel as okay with trying to influence him, I guess. The reason I feel guilty is because I don't like causing problems and I feel like I'm at least partly to blame because I can't even let an evening like tonight slide.

Husband said that I don't have to go to anymore functions if I don't want to. He'll then decide if he wants to go either. If MiL ever asks why I'm not there or why neither of us is there, he'll tell her why. If she starts to argue and it turns towards me, he said he'll cut off the conversation because I told him that I am tired of being the one with the target on her forehead. Besides, they had problems before I even showed up so I'm totally over being the topic of conversation when shit goes down.

I suppose I wish that he picked up on things and was as swift to respond as I am with my own parents. But like today, he didn't notice her turning away from me frequently enough to give me pause. I think he did notice the brother's absence and noted it as strange, but he didn't take the opportunity to speak to her about it after dinner. Now it feels too late, like contacting her tomorrow - as opposed to having asked her in the parking lot when it was just the three of us - is too late, like she'll pretend we're just being dramatic, we can't "just have a nice evening", etc.

I suppose, in short, I hesitate because she's probably gas-lighting me and even sort of knowing/thinking it doesn't seem to make me less anxious...