Do you live in a state where it is legal to record someone without their consent? Next time, start recording the abuse. If you can get her being physically abusive on camera, that helps.

You need to talk to a lawyer. Don’t tell your wife you want a divorce now. Come up with a game plan with the lawyer. You don’t want your kids staying with her most of the time or even half of the time. Your wife needs to focus on herself and be a parent to herself and grow before she should be around the kids.

My dad flips out. I still see him a few times a year as a 31 year old. Growing up, he would come and hang at my moms house for a few hours then leave. It worked out that way because he doesn’t want to get therapy and he could just leave when he was grumpy and loosing it. It’s not an ideal situation, but I’m soooooo grateful I never had to live with him. Kids shouldn’t be around that. He paid for most things and was/is always around for big events. I liked it that way. I love my dad, but I don’t want to be around him longer than 6 hours.

Not all the time, but sometimes he gets paranoid and thinks people are intentionally trying to hurt him and make him mad. Other times he’s very understanding. I could see my dad throwing a fit about missing his meal, throwing things, and cussing etc. sometimes he takes things like this personally and thinks people are disrespecting him. I could also see him being cool and going with the flow and being understanding that sometimes people make mistakes, and enjoying the rest of the food. You never know with my dad.

As a kid in this situation... I’m EXTREMELY grateful that I never lived with my dad and had to be stuck with his tantrums. You don’t want your kids to be around that. My parents separated when I was in the third grade but his behavior still has a lasting effect on me.

Go see a lawyer and get a therapist for yourself so you can support your kids and yourself in this situation.