AITA for refusing to go on family days out because my wife hasn't kept up with the housework?

NAH You would be an asshole if you were demanding she do it all, but you're not, you're doing it yourself. She's not an asshole either for wanting you to spend time together as a family. It would probably be better to try and find a compromise though (and check in with your wife to make sure she's doing okay mentally).

For a compromise, you have a lot of options:

  • If you can afford it, hire a cleaner to come in once a week to help out.

  • Have your youngest go to daycare/a relative/a babysitter for a few hours a week to give your wife some time to catch up with some things in peace.

  • If getting a dishwasher is in your budget and possible for your house/apartment, look into getting one to save some time.

If those things aren't in your budget (or even if they are, it wouldn't hurt to do some of these too):

  • Try making a chore chart. Each of you could have a 10 minute daily chore to minimise how much it all builds up, 10 minutes a day isn't a lot to ask. You could also have some chores you tackle as a team each day when the kids are asleep (e.g. sort the laundry together or tidy up the hallway/living room, or put on some music/talk while you tidy the kitchen together), that way it won't take as long, won't build up as much and you're spending time together.

  • If things keep building up in the hallway, maybe get some baskets to throw things in then once a week sort through the baskets and put things in their rightful place. That way the stuff won't get in the way so much during the week and the hallway will look less chaotic in the time between it being tidied.

  • Instead of deciding to stay home by yourself for a whole day to tidy you could ask your wife if she'd be up for both of you tackling the mess together and staying home for half the day once a fortnight then go and do family things in the afternoon once you're done (if you keep on top of the smaller chores during the week then it won't take long at all).

/r/AmItheAsshole Thread