NTA

But I can understand where she comes from. I live in India and family ties run deep here. Relatives take care if nephews/nieces all the time. These kids may have a chance in life if she decides to take responsibility and she is amazing to have agreed to that even at the risk of losing you.

I’ve lived in the US for a few years and I understand how different society is set up over there. You’re absolutely not in the wrong for not wanting this unnecessary responsibility but I feel keeping humanity in mind you could work a middle path which helps everyone.

How about convincing her not to adopt formally but letting the kids move in(not sure if this might be illegal in the US)? Talk to the oldest and prepare her for the tough life ahead of her. Other relatives must pitch in with time/money/resources and the entire family has to come together to help out. If you don’t adopt formally then you don’t have a legal responsibility but the kids still get removed from the toxic environment .

It’s a tough spot for you, but even tougher for your SO. Really hope you guys can work it out. Good luck!