Long winded food for thought. Have you thought that maybe people don't treat you better because they see that you're willing to deal with abuse? There are people are out there willing to appreciate the wonderful person you seem to be. I don't have a ton of friends either. And I had my years of fake and toxic friendships because I was afraid of being alone. But that was exactly what I needed in order to no longer feel like I was living and dying by everyone else's opinions. Learn to be more of your own friend. If anyone you cared about was dealing with this, I have a feeling you wouldn't think they deserved it. You deserve to treat yourself the same way you're willing to treat your friends. You are subconsciously telling yourself and the world that you agree with this treatment and think you deserve it. And it will only attract more of the same. Kind people who are at peace with themselves and treat people nicely generally don't want to be around that kind of energy. People with abusive tendencies thrive off of it. You remind me of a line from Defying Gravity that really helped me when I was struggling with loneliness, "and if I'm flying solo, at least I'm flying free." And true friendships don't involve justifying peoples bad behavior with mental health or trauma. You can empathize with them, but people are still accountable for their actions. Allowing him to continue to lash out at you will do nothing except hurt you. TLDR; you deserve better.