I knew my drinking was a problem from when I was 13. My friends step dad was a cop, and he was the first adult to give me booze. Butterscotch schnapps, perfect for little girls. It must have been okay, since he was a cop, right?

I did a lot of dumb shit. Including getting hit by a truck in the parking lot of a bar. Proceeded to go home with the owner of the bar instead of going to the hospital. I was FWB wit him for a while. he told me I had a problem. I was 18, he was like 40.

I had to stop drinking when I got pregnant and realized how much I used it to cope. Having to deal with that trauma while pregnant, my hair started to fucking turn white. I am only 30.

How to heal... I reported the 30 year old who was abusing me when I was 15-16, and he’s getting multiple charges. I won’t ever tell anyone about the cop. He got me between his legs when I was 14, the age of consent, but I wouldn’t touch him, and as a cop he probably knew better than to initiate anything.

It was pretty fucking brutal to start having flashbacks of my friends step dad sticking his hands in his flak jacket with his legs spread towards me, while the cop I’m trying to tell about my rapes (innocently) did the same thing.