Was raised in a Catholic family. I always believed that if you were a good person bad things wouldn't happen to you.

My dad was a police officer, and he did his best to be a great human. At work he did his best to serve and protect while not being a demeaning authoritative presence. He tried to be a dad on every call. In his free time he volunteered at a soup kitchen and raised his kids with the intent to be a teacher, not a friend.

He wasn't perfect, but he put in a lot more work than most do in terms of being a good person.

Then he got cancer, and I had to watch my mentor slowly die. Over the course of a few years I had to watch as he degraded physically and mentally. Near the end he was basically a husk. He was pale, hairless, pissing and shitting in bags, no energy to even move. The last time I heard his voice over the phone, he was completely incoherent.

If that awful shit can happen to him, then the only possible truth is that life has no sense of order or rules. Life's not fair, we live in a chaotic universe. Anything can happen to anybody.

That comforts me though, because if we live in a chaotic universe, then bad shit makes sense. No one is in control so of course bad shit happens.