Am I being silly for having expectations that a man can drive to me when sex is on offer? Do I need to get over it and compromise?

The other thing that I haven’t mentioned to him is that his apartment is an absolute bachelor pad and pretty gross which is a big reason I don’t want to go over.

Do I suck it up to… suck it up?

I really don't like your attitude. Sex is not on the offer. You want sex too, otherwise you wouldn't have called him.

I totally understand that you don't want to drive to his place. I wouldn't do it either.

But you cannot control what other people do. He wants sex, but he doesn't want to drive 4 hours for it. He really doesn't need a "good enough" reason to not want to drive. Everybody can say no to a proposal and that should be the end of it without the other party starting a discussion about whether the reasons are good enough.

I mean, it's the same for you. You want sex, but you don't want to drive to his place either.

For me it looks like that this is the end of the story. Nobody wants sex bad enough to make the drive. Bring a vibrator and have a good time with yourself.