I can relate with you. It hurts sometimes. It hurts a lot actually.
As a female with a very high sex drive I wish there were something I could take to inhibit it.
I am the type that wants and thinks about sex constantly. I want sex everyday -multiple times a day, but I understand that most people aren't this way. In relationships I cannot have sex less than three times a week without feeling strange about myself or the relationship. I connect a lot things with sex and I appreciate your statement about women taking for granted the desirability of their bodies, because if sex is lacking or if I am not taken care of sexually my head always goes to "I must not be attractive enough. My body must not be sexy enough." Even though I recognize where these feelings come from (childhood abuse), I still feel the swelling lump in my throat when another day goes by that I am denied or not even offered this level of intimacy.
This is frustrating for me because I have no limits for my attraction for my SO. Aside from being an incredible woman internally, she is mentally and physically the sexiest person I have ever been with. The sexual fire I have for her in my chest is never satiated. My unhealthy mind wishes that someone felt that way for me. I want to be lusted after, especially by my stunning SO.
My healthy mind, on the other hand, realizes that people love and lust in different ways. I know she loves me and she enjoys showing her affection by caring for me and doing things like cooking dinner or making and fetching me things. I love this and I am so grateful.
OP, I am also a Dom woman and my SO is submissive. She's very submissive which my dom-sadistic side enjoys very much, but my other side (the side that could give two shits about Dom/sub roles) NEEDS to be wanted and sought after like a sex object. I have a woman's body with the right curves that love being touched, penetrated, devoured, and DESIRED.
I think the best thing I can do is be open with my SO about my sometimes unhealthy connections with sex, but then hold back some frustration regarding it. In other words, finding some middle ground where both parties put in a bit more effort to come to a reasonable and happy conclusion.
Historical fact about me: one of my ex gf's had major sexual issues. We were together for nearly 10 years and had sex only a handful of times the last 6-8 years. No exaggeration. I tried speaking with her about it on several different occasions but she would just get upset. She recognized the problem and would even let me sleep with other people to try and make me happy. That didn't work. I wanted to have sex with her and only her.
When I told her I was leaving she then decided to get help for her sex, but it was already too late. It took a of couples years at the end of our relationship for me to realize that she was not longer a sexual object to me.
I was living with a cuddly friend and I needed more then that.
I need more than cuddles and back tickles in order for me to sustain a healthy relationship.
I'm not sure if my post helps you at all, but make sure that he is trying for not only you but for himself. If you find that you're sexual attraction begins to dwindle because of the lack of sex he offers you, it may be too late for him to work on it. If this happens it might devastate him. It devastated the ex I was telling you about. It devastated her because she knew there was a problem but only decided to get help when it was too late. She knew she lost me over her lack of action. So speak up.
Maybe have a tough conversation with him about it to keep this from happening.