Hey man, I was exactly where you were 8 years ago.
Failed my first year at uni, and was about to be suspended. I was also hospitalised for suicidal ideation twice and medicated for years.
I saw a uni counsellor and got help getting special considerations. I didn't get suspended, but I was damn close. Eventually started seeing a therapist who I clicked with.
Gone from strength to strength and graduated from my undergrad and now doing a postgrad in something I'm passionate about (teaching). I will graduate at the end of next year at the age of 30.
Yeah, I have thought that it would've been great to have my postgrad at 23. Everyone I went to school with is established and travelling and doing things that I want to be doing while I slave away with studying and working. Not to mention that I'm really underweight and not physically that attractive.
But this is the hand I was dealt with. Now it's up to me to play the hand in a way that I get as much out of life as possible. So, I'm trying to finish my postgrad and going to the gym three days per week.
For me, I wasn't blessed with the gift of the gab. Once I get to know someone, I run out of things to talk about and it gets boring to be with me after a while. I barely make small talk with my housemates. Awkward silence meander and follow me wherever I go.
My inner demon tells me I'm broken beyond repair. It tells me I will never keep close friends, that I will never get married to a wonderful woman, that happiness in unobtainable for someone like me.
But you know what, it also told me I'd never have a girlfriend. But I did last year. It told me I'd never graduate. But I did two years ago. It told me no one ever cares about me, but two years ago I reconnected with my half sister after more than a decade apart but she cares about me.
Yes I'm shit at small talk to the point that I avoid sharing bus or train rides greater than 10 mins with anyone. But my dream is to travel around the world and visit every country. And when I've done it once, to do it all again.
And nothing, not even my inner demon, can take that away from me.