not working much on my own art, vs. living in the least art-oriented neighborhood while I was devoted to and totally focussed on my work, I'd choose the latter.

i get this. i live in my lame hometown where i never planned to remain after graduating from college. there are positives about it: low cost of living, bluegrass music scene, four seasons, lots of outdoor opportunities, it's proximity to other parts of the eastern seaboard. while i'd love to move somewhere that makes my heart race, i'd be considered boring and lame there. which, i'm probably considered boring and normal here, but at least i can pretend that i exist on a different plane from everyone else as far as my preferences, values, and aesthetics are concerned.

in the "zone" right now with two different APs.

yes and no, as i mentioned earlier, one is LDR. we talk everyday, off & on all day long, texting, sharing music, photos, details from our day. sometimes twice a day via phone. planning to see each other this spring. he's married with several children, loves his wife, and wouldn't voluntarily leave her.

my local lives about an hour away but his work brings him to my city maybe once a week? we're totally into each other and his unavailability is painful. he has partial custody of his kids and is busy with them several days (one of which is my standard free night when my daughter spends the night with her grandmother). we text everyday, share pictures. haven't set forth any expectations of each other. i'm okay with ambiguity, but...gosh, i don't know what to say.

i'm enjoying myself for the first time in many years. i have new found hope for my future. so the poly is working out, for now. god if i could have a bf in my house with me, that would be keen. but one of our rules is keeping our relationship with others secret from our daughter; she meets nobody. being in these relationships has helped me see that none of them really work for me, in a traditional sense. neither of my APs nor my SO give me what i want, maybe need. and i'm not one of those silly people who believes that one partner can meet all of their needs. it's illogical, simply untrue, and a LOT of pressure for one person to live up to. i don't know what the solution is for me.