You know, itd really be great if you would give me credit where its due and mention here that I did go to therapy. That I did do EMDR for months. Of my own choice, without you or anyone else telling me to, because I wanted to. That after my accident, I did go to the doctor, and I called a lawyer and the insurance companies and got that together.
That I still get up and I go to work and bust my ass despite everything. Yeah Im stressed out, you act like ive been like this nonstop. I was happy most of the week. I even applied for student loan forgiveness and put hours of effort to find out what I owe and what to do for my other ones.
Yes I am upset, yes I had a bad night last night after holding it in for two weeks. Im tired of going through all this and then being expected to act like nothing is wrong.
You act like I have all these people, I have you and my dad and my best friend, but she is 1k miles away. Yes she is great support but i am hurting. And you mentioning me saying i want to be rich and famous, come on. I told you that used to be a dream of mine. Yes every once in a while i get a feeling of wanting to be accepted, because i do not here. Not when i have people constantly criticising my every action when i am doing my absolute best. And the self harm thing has been a year ago. Im not proud at all. I didnt do that for many years prior. But finding out you lied to me the first 2 years of our relationship, that while you were away at school in georgia or the army in georgia, I took care of everything to get us our place set up and move 1k miles cross country without you because you were on duty. Meanwhile, you went up in the mountains with some girl who stayed at the same school as you and never said a word to me, and didnt have service that whole time. You went to the bar with this woman, you went to eat with this woman. You saw her every day and i was hundreds of miles away, never getting to talk to you as we worked different schedules.
Then when i had a friend, a coworker, it was suddenly a big problem for you to accept me hanging out with him even though i came to you in advance, and had you hang out with him and the dude had fucking lung cancer. And at this point i had met none of your friends, none of your school, and i dont think i even met your parents yet. But i made sure to include you in my life and show you who i really am, and always have.
This is neverminding the countless other lies you have told me all throughout the beginning, when i told you from day one my biggest thing in a relationship is honesty, and i told you things i was genuinely ashamed of, but you couldnt return the favor.
And you know my dad had a seizure in his sleep last night and forgot an entire day and was confused. So now on top of all of this, i also got to see how you still cant understand how stressed out i am and why im upset and you think you can just tell me to happy and it goes away. Thanks.