I am the WM half of a WMAW marriage, what advice can you give us for of raising our future children?

I think you will have kids regardless of what is said here, so here are some things to keep in mind:

Know that your kids will probably be Asian-looking. As such, they will probably experience racism and not be able to fit in. They won’t have a community like you or your wife has because whites will see them as Asian while Asians will see them as white. They’ll be Othered by both groups.

As a white person, you likely will not be able to relate to your kids as well as an Asian parent could. Your Asian son will be viewed far differently by society than how it views you, a fellow white person. He will be subject to all the terrible stereotypes you have never had to face: that Asian men are ugly, weak, small-dicked, etc. He will see that Asian men are shit on in the dating world and by the media. That’ll be a blow to his confidence. What will you tell him when he asks why there are so many white men with Asian women but not vice versa?

Similarly, society will view your daughter as Asian, and with that come the stereotypes of being submissive and willing to drop her panties for any white man. When you go out alone with her, people will think you’re a creepy old man and she a slut. No doubt she’ll also have to deal with yellow fever white guys, and if you yourself are one of them…well, that’s going to be awkward, isn’t it? If you have exclusively or predominantly dated Asian women, how will you explain that to her? I really hope you don’t have a racial fetish and/or hate on white women. After all, your daughter will be both.

Now here may be the point where you say, “But I’m not racist! I’ve never been racist to anyone, I don’t even have racist thoughts!” Well, honestly, I think everyone is racist. I think for a lot of us, it exists in our subconscious, in the split-second reactions we have that are gone before we dare to analyze them. There is no way we go through life being bombarded by all the racism we see in real life as well as in the media without internalizing some of it. So I would ask you to really consider the basis of your relationship with your wife. If your prefer Asian women, why? If she prefers white men, why? I really hope that she is not self-hating and white-worshiping.

Additionally, your kids may be embarrassed to have a white father and an Asian mother. Everyone knows the stereotypes. Besides rudely being asked, “What are you?” all the time, they may also have to face people smirking as they ask, “Your mom’s the Asian one, right?”

The bottom line is that even if you and your wife are great parents, society will not treat your kids as nicely as you are treated. Of course the same is true for all non-white people, but those who have white parents have unique problems. Unlike Eurasians, full Asian sons will never wonder if their mothers hated people like him and full Asian daughters will never wonder if their fathers fetishized people like her. There are fucktons of sexpats in Asia right now and all of their kids are born from that. A lot of kids here are born from that, too. Of course, I’m obliged to say that of course there are WMAF couples that are not like this. I don’t assume that every one of these couples is bad. But if you are one of these bad couples, your kids are fucked.

That said, here are my tips if you choose to have kids:

You have to live in an area with a lot of Asians. This is the most important thing. Anywhere else they will experience far more racism.

Raise your kids bilingual. Not only good for their brains and all that, but they will have a deeper connection to their Chinese side. Of course it would be good for them to regularly visit China, too.

Surround your kids with Asian media. The Asian characters in Hollywood are stereotyped and demeaned. It’s not healthy. Your kids need to see people that look like them on TV. This is important.

Ultimately, I think if you and your wife are good people and good parents – if you are kind, caring, and sensitive – then your kids will probably be okay. Most WMAF couples give zero thought to the ramifications of having Eurasian children.

/r/hapas Thread