My partner and i have been together for almost three years now. a couple of months ago i discovered that he had been sleeping with another women in the early stages of our relationship - until at least the third or fourth date. He argues that it means nothing because we "weren't exclusive" at the time. I feel like this explanation is incredibly hurtful and meaningless. To begin with we certainly never had any kind of conversation about exclusivity and up until now i wasn't aware that there was a time when we weren't exclusive.

I realize this is a rule some people follow but i still feel really deceived because not only was I never aware of it but he's always been very vocal about how special our relationship was to him from the very beginning. He loves to talk about how much effort he put into our third date, how nervous and excited he was - to find out now that straight after that date he went around to his fuck buddies house just makes me feel like he's been feeding me lies the whole time. The fact he was never remotely upfront about his actions is proof to me that he himself didn't believe what he was doing was ok.

On top of that i feel i have a right to my own ideas and expectations in relationships - if i had known what he was doing then i certainly would not have put up with it. Now I'm in a position where i have moved overseas to be with him and for the most part what we have in the present is really good.

I haven't brought it up in a couple of months but I'm really struggling with these facts from the past and it feels like it's smothering all the light in our relationship.