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TRIGGER WARNING:

I just returned my paxil 10mg to the pharmacy after a week and a half. i know this seems impossible and it takes weeks to kick in but it hit me like a fright train. I told my doctor I'm sensitive to meds and worried about weight gain and he insisted there's none of that on paxil.

Bullshit. I could kill him-theoretically.

I don't mean to scare people but want to warn what could happen on this drug. Everyone is different but listen to your body. I don't want anyone to feel this way.

I already have anxiety and depression. Severely. Always on the edge and got prescribed paxil. I begged my doctor to just make it all stop.

Today after returning the meds almost in tears-I fucking LOST IT screaming, crying, trying to jump out of a moving car-my mother's car for NO reason, no traffic. She almost crashed into a barrier. She pulled over and I continued to just scream cry and hyperventilate. I never ever had such a severe attack like this. I had taken my last dose an hour prior so it wasn't withdrawal. I proceeded to try and jump off a cliff. I wanted to die. She had me pinned. I was suicidal for years but was actually going to do it finally In front of my mother who's been nothing but my rock and best friend too. I could not think about that. I just friggin' snapped. We spent the next hour hugging and just crying hysterically. I feel so f---ing GUILTY. My life is a train wreck. We're still shook. I'm having her over. We're just sitting here shaking still. I can never make this up to her.

I'm pissed at my doctor for dismissing my concerns. I'm in recovery for an eating disorder but at my healthy target weight now. I will never ever trust a doctor again. I feel betrayed, lied to and hopeless. I gained 8 pounds despite watching my calories. That's fast.