I have androgenic alopecia, a.k.a. male-pattern baldness. I have lost a significant amount of my hair and scalp is visible on most of the sides and top of my head. I have tried just about every oral and topical medication available, switched my birth control, went off my birth control, taken vitamins, changed my diet, had monthly blood tests, monthly dermatologist visits, 2 scalp biopsies, and so on. At first it was very hard on me. I hated watching myself (in my mind) grow more hideous as time went on, and I got insanely jealous of my coworkers who had beautiful, long, thick hair. It hurt a lot because I knew I would never have hair like that and that's what I always wanted. And I especially hated it when women would point out how thin it was, like they were amazed. It really fucked with my self-esteem for a long time.

After a few years I had a dermatologist visit where the doctor told me flat-out that my hair would never grow back, it would never be like it was before, it would never get better, and all the heroic efforts we were doing was just to keep it from falling out more. The various treatments never worked very well in the first place and I'd been slowly declining for years so my hair still looked like shit, so that really deflated me. Then I realized I didn't want to spend the rest of my life funneling thousands of dollars and time in the doctor's office when it would inevitably get worse anyways. And all of the treatments couldn't be used if you got pregnant, I was told my hair would fall out bigtime then and probably not grow back. And I wanted to start a family. So I did something crazy. I quit all of it.

The hair loss has accelerated since then, and some people might call me stupid for that but I feel like I'm just not putting off the inevitable. It is still a sore spot for me but I'm lucky to have a husband who makes me feel beautiful and we're able to try for a baby now. I have grown to accept this new version of myself and am more unemotional about it now. It took me a long time, but now I love myself for who I am instead of missing what I once had. And I very eagerly await the day shaved heads come into vogue for women's fashion.