Gaslighting means that they will tell you something did not happen when it did. Example: They may say, "I love rubies." You get the narcissist a ruby ring for their birthday and they tell you, "Why did you get me this, I hate rubies, I love emeralds!" unless you have it recorded they will insist they never said that.
Or they say, "I don't remember saying that but maybe I did." or "I don't remember what I meant when I said that."
Their world view has to be that the outside world sees them as perfection, so if there is ever anything that reflects poorly on them they will never acknowledge it unless there is hard evidence and then there will be hell to pay.
Their father once called them stupid for something and they got so angry that they went and got drunk.
They are literally incapable of feeling emotions, they can only mimic them.
Oh, they feel emotions. Anger, depression, annoyance, amusement, sadness, infatuation, (perhaps??) love... Affection of some kind, anyway. I was once told, "I love you as a friend but something more I can't identify" (which they "didn't remember" saying). This was after over a year and a half of telling me they loved me before deciding that they'd only thought they loved me so...
Of course you do not see their enjoyment and everything looks normal to you as an outsider. And believe me you ARE an outsider(to this friend to your Father and Mother you know first hand).
I dated them for two years and they opened up more to me than anyone else. "Friends" even told me they noticed the narcissist INTJ changed with me around. At first, anyway.
We're no longer speaking to each other. Not friends by any means. But their behavioral patterns fascinate me as someone who nice related so strongly to them and was so similar that we dated for two years and now were vastly different (we both changed a lot but in opposite directions, it seems).
even their closest friends do not know the extent to which their children and spouses are abused.
Oh no, their family and friends know. They brought it up on their own accord, one family member saying, "I know how cruel he can be." I found out a month after I broke up with him that he's not very well-liked by peers at his former college because of how he treated the person he dated before me AND me. People know. He doesn't seem to care that they think he's a narcissist and an abusive jerk. Either that, or he's massively in denial. People are amicable enough to his face but behind closed doors they rip his character to shreds (especially after drinking). Not sure if I mentioned it before, but I very nearly hooked up with one of his best friends (there were time constraints) with whom I speak regularly who swore me to secrecy because they don't want deal with his abusive rage. They keep him around because they're lonely and afraid to cut anyone off no matter how little they like or trust him.
Anyways getting kinda long, lol. Fleas creeping up...feel free to PM me if you want to talk more personally. I will also continue to discuss whatever is welcome here tho.
Thank you! :)