Before the challenge, how often did you fap?

I know it may be hard to believe but yes on the daily. When I frequently jack it that many times which up until 10 months ago (since discovering nofap) I've been doing daily since maybe as far back as when I was 6. I adopt the mindset that people are twats, I don't truly feel or care for anyone except myself, and this gave me feelings of superiority as saw people as weak. Many people have called me a psycho because of how easily I can turn physically aggressive. A couple of years ago I pulled the trigger on an air gun point blank in a friends eye straight after flying kicking him in the ribs because I wanted to know and feel he was sorry, luckily the last one had already been fired (because it would've blinded him) but nobody knew that including me. Done lots I can't and don't want to mention for obvious reasons but you get the gist. I've hurt many emotionally/physically male and female. I was a fuck up. Off my own back I did see 2 therapists as realised I wasn't moving forward in life and wanted to know why and if I could change. After 9 months of seemingly getting nowhere I asked the 1st for a diagnosis: traits of narcissism, obsessiveness, schizoid, paranoia and that I was possibly BPD(I was smoking over 2 ounce of pot a month at the time and was certainly paranoid) 2nd mentioned psychopathy mainly as I chased highs; stealing, sex, masturbation/porn, pot, cocaine, training, food, gambling. IMO I don't believe either to be true, most of my abnormal thoughts & behaviour came down to me not having a dopamine hit, even when I missed a meal I was ready to break someone's back. With abstinence, even after only 7 days my mind becomes sharp, in tune, things seem effortless; bounds of energy resulting in work and interactions going well, problem solving is fun! Women are easy to attract, almost too easy as though it's not a challenge, although did find I was becoming addicted at getting them to want me so was upping the anti in search of a new buzz..married, partner by their sides it didn't matter, in fact I noticed women were turned on by me showing up their husbands or partners. in a customers house I even put a peach I was eating into an Asian woman's mouth and she took a bite ha ha ha and she was one of the most attractive bossy challenging customers I've ever met, but she liked it, said the experience of meeting with me was filmesque. I become rid of anxiety, can sympathise, outgoing, leave good impressions with customers. Actually feel like a different person. Only downside so to speak is a dawning realisation I'm surrounded by people who don't stimulate me, I find them boring, my girlfriend seems as though she doesn't have much of a personality, she's all emotions with no depth so not a challenge for me. Bottom line me and masturbation not good. Ranty poo over

/r/NoFap Thread