I feel similarly. I have prosthetics, when I wear them with certain outfits I feel whole. Like I can fill out my outfit and it feels right, but the act of taking them off/putting them on feels like a cruel joke, it can feel like a costume for sure. So I usually don't wear the prosthetics because the action of putting them on feels silly. And I feel silly when people like neighbors probably notice how one day I have nice boobs and other days I'm flat and I wonder what other people are thinking. As much as I'd like breast reconstruction, I think I need to leave my body alone to just exist.

One thing I did was buy some sports bras. I didn't Try them on just grabbed the size that looks right. They are raceback which for so reason I like that fit and I like wesring them because it covers my nipples. Lol. And also the little pads in them give a tiny bit of shape. Because I get self conscious if I'm flat AND u can see my nipples through my shirt, if I'm being read as a woman that's awkward.