I don't have your same situation and I don't know if this is helpful at all, it's not a suggestion either way to what you ultimately choose but I can share a similar experience, in a way. I was off T for years while still identifying as sorta ftm/non binary.off T but I wasn't shaving, still presenting masc. I ended up in the "uncanny valley" area and damn...that was the hardest existence ever. I developed agoraphobia and could barely leave the house, I'd notice people staring at me or whispering, it was really painful.

When I eventually detransitioned the rest of the way I still remember the feeling of relief when I realized I could actually escape that. I had gone to some event that had a lot of people, and I noticed not a damn person was looking at me. I walked around this place for like 2 hours and I was just another person there, nobody special. It was the biggest relief, it gave me hope. Not because I was now being seen as a woman, but because I was now just a person.

I'm sorry you are struggling right now and whatever you do, I hope that you can find peace.