What I suspect was BPD gave my ex a criminal record because she refused to seek treatment at EVERY step.
I'm no doctor (and she never got a proper diagnosis) but the symptoms sound the same:
Kylie Travers was just 16 years old when she first tried to kill herself
Tick... tried to kill herself multiple times.
she struggled to regulate her emotions and often found herself getting very upset and angry over small issues
Tick... life wasn't perfect but I tried my hardest. I worked 2 jobs (because emotionally she found work too difficult) and was up 24/7 tending to her because EVERY TIME something little came up she'd drop all the books and demand that I fix it. If not... she'd sulk 24/7 for the next month (heck even if I did she'd sulk 24/7 about the fact it even had to be fixed) and if I ever said 'look sorry I'm too tired, lets sleep and do it tomorrow' then I'd get yelled at and bashed up. We're talking things minor/trivial problems here that were really her responsibility to 'fix'. However, her emotions were such that she'd yell at me, throw stuff at me and bash me (while I sat there quietly, without ever retaliating) before even thinking about attempting to fix the matters herself.
When you track back into an adult's life, you can actually see maladaptive behaviours and impulsivity, particularly in adolescence
Biiiingo... her parents ignored it and hoped it'd go away so she was never able to adapt her behaviours. Instead she'd manipulate everybody by first having a 24/7 sulk (where her face would go completely blank and she'd refuse to interact with the world) or by bashing people up. She went through a new set of friends every week with them first saying 'poor girl' and when they got a whiff of her mood swings/manipulating behaviour they'd ruuuuuuun.
Impulsivity... she had no clue about long-term planning and would happily burn our life savings in a flash. When her sulking, yelling at me and bashing me didn't 'defeat' me, she'd do a really loud, fake scream until the neighbours called the cops. She'd then sign statements saying 'he kicked me multiple times, choked me, punched me...' and I'd get arrested. A few months later (after me having to pay for 2 households without working because I'd be suspended from duties and unable to approach her... so needed a separate house... oh and me having to pay legal fees) the court would toss out the claims against me (no evidence because nothing happened) and we'd be starting again from day 1. Oh... but we'd be $10,000 in debt because she had a habit of maxing out my credit card on handbags, consumer electronics and overseas plane tickets. Her long-term vision was non-existent and she lived minute-by-minute. She had no idea what impact the above actions would have on our long-term stability.
Riiiight... so I missed out on a promotion because I was suspended from work (due to a false charge). Tick 3 or 4 times... wonder why my career's going nowhere? $10,000 in debt... there goes our next 6 months of savings. Life savings gone... that wasn't easy to save up, and our families chipped in at the start! Instead of putting a deposit on a house, we're pooooor. It was impossible to think long-term with her because she could start sulking at any moment, and you knew that you were back to square 1 (or worse) as soon as that happened.
Other symptoms include a fear of being abandoned by family, friends or partners
Tick... after being beaten up, falsely reported to the police (often arrested with charges being laid, which meant I'd get suspended from work, go broke, lose all my friends, have to defend the charges in court and then once acquitted go fuck... how many more times can I take this bullshit?) she'd have a MASSIVE sulk and lure me back in. It was all about abandonment... my family's left me... now you're leaving me? You're all I've got... I need you!! I'd be thinking 'poor girl... she needs somebody and I reckon I can fix her this time'. Then once I'm back the aggression and floggings would start again - black eyes and bruises when going to work, neighbours calling the cops when hearing her screaming at me.
People are hesitant to give that diagnosis, because the client themselves can actually see that as quite a negative thing - because it's a personality disorder it implies that this is what you're like, and that you will be like this in the longer term
And thaaaat's why she'd never agree to go to the doctor. Eventually she was charged with attempt murder (after falsely reporting me to the cops a zillionth time they finally got a whiff of what was REALLY happening when they arrived prepared to arrest me and found me lying on the floor in a bloody dying mess with multiple unprovoked stab wounds... she then confessed).
Even when facing 10+ charges (including attempt murder) and facing the possibility of time in prison she NEVER used the card 'I'm mentally ill... I want a diagnosis'. People love to say 'mental illness doesn't excuse my actions'. In her case, I have absolutely no hatred because she had NFI what she was doing! She needed a psychiatrist to push in, say 'I'm admitting you to hospital and you're GETTING a diagnosis' and then give her a treatment plan.
Instead, she'd rather go to prison than go to a mental hospital. She got off with no prison time because I refused to give evidence (so all they had to go off was her confession). However, she got a conviction recorded and a suspended sentence.
Not saying this was DEFINITELY BPD (I'm no doctor) but IMO it was likely something similar. She literally had the ability to drag you down by cold facing you and sobbing 24/7 for weeks, without responding to any stimulus. When this started I was stepping on egg shells because I KNEW I was going to get beaten up and I KNEW the neighbours would call the cops.
I tried to escape (so that I could have the alibi of 'I wasn't even in the bloody house'. However, she would strategically place herself in front of the door and block me from leaving with the full force of her body. Me trying to leave would make her feel 'abandoned' so she'd flare up even more (and make absolutely no connection between the fact I was trying to leave because she was trying to bash me, and was likely to call the cops, and make false claims against me). The only thing I knew was that I was 100kg and she was 45kg, so any attempt to defend myself or move her out of the way would land me in prison. Solution? I'd ask her to let me leave the house, and then run to the bathroom. She'd then bash the door off its hinges using her full strength, throw lots of glass bottles at me (medicine, perfumes...etc), slap my head, punch my head, kick my head (always my head... she was there to do damage). And... ya. Knowing that any self defence could be interpreted as me assaulting her, I'd just crunch up into a ball and take it all. She would literally not stop... this would start at 9:00PM and at 4:00AM (with my work starting at 6:30AM) she would still be going.
No drugs, no nothing. She just refused to go to a doctor, refused to accept that she needed help and refused to accept that if things didn't change, we were heading for divorce.
I'm personally really disappointed that I was never able to help her. I tried calling mental health helplines (won't name them but... all the ones that get a plug on the TV that are seen as being awesome services). None would get involved and most would say my only option was to call the police. They'd say 'look this is a criminal matter... it's out of our hands', hang up on me and refuse all further calls from me (or put me on infinite wait).
While I can't say this was definitely BPD, I can say that I have PTSD from it. I'm a lucid dreamer and constantly go through the trauma as if it's real (the beatings, the false arrests, the cold lockup cells, the rollercoaster of helpless emotions). I literally can't 'wake up' out of my dreams. I'll lie in bed where I can see and feel every punch, kick, slap and stab. When I do wake up, it takes me a good hour or two to realise that it was just a dream.
Sorry, big ramble but IMO BPD (in this case what I think was BPD) is one of the most complex, stigmatised and misunderstood illnesses in society. One of the biggest problems I faced is that she would be attacking me one minute, and then normal/chirpy towards other people. Her (false) stories were very convincing and she knew all the tricks for 'getting around' a diagnosis. The only thing she was scared of was being diagnosed and put on proper treatment for her illness. Nothing else scared her... aside from losing me (even when she was beating me and calling me worthless).
As a partner with his limits being stretched completely, I had no idea how to deal with her. I tried seeing psychologists, but the conclusion was always 'you can only cope with so much... she needs help and you can't help her'. Leaving her was the best thing I ever did for my life... but unfortunately this will not fix her life. She now stalks me online 24/7, calls me 100+ times a day, sends out hundreds of e-mails to my friends/family/work (accusing me of atrocious deeds) and yeah... the cops told me 'don't worry, this will all stop'. 6 Years later? Still happening... and I doubt it will ever end until somebody can force her to get treatment.