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05/05/2016
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Feeling less psychotic today, but my delusions have remained. I went for another long countryside walk. I'm in a fortunate situation where I don't need to work and I can focus on my interests. I spend quite a lot of time in thought, some time reading and some time writing. This diary is quite a good thing; I feel the need to hold myself up to some kind of standard because I know that I'll report anything significant to you. And I won't lie to you; what I write is true to me in the moment I wrote it. I bought a glass pipe for DMT today. I'll give it more time before trying it. I expect that it'll become something that I do from time to time.
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I haven't smoked any hash in a few days. I switched from cannabis to hash because hash has a much more balanced CBD to THC ratio and doesn't push me into psychosis. I also take CBD supplements, 100mg per day in the form of a gel tab. The effects are fairly noticeable; less anxiety, a more relaxed and clear-headed feel to life. It's a natural antipsychotic but without the side-effects, and it doesn't screw up my thinking like the prescription stuff did.
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A friend of mine attempted suicide the night before last and she's in an institution now. It's the best thing for her; to be sober and alone with her thoughts for a few weeks in a safe environment. I hope they give her therapy.
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I think that I'm slowly formulating a better theoretical understanding of the nature of things, and psychonauts have a good practical understanding. I like to think that those with more theoretical understanding are the ground control to their Major Tom.
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[Part 11](link)