I move out Sunday. This past week, mom has threatened to throw me on to the house/throw my stuff on the road about five times angrily, and dozens more in the "how could you do this to me" voice. This summer was going okay until I tried to hold an intervention for her about a month ago. She threw one of my trinket boxes today and I guess this is the end. I know it seems dumb but that was just it. The box had a trio of handmade wooden bobble-head turtles in it... and about 10 push pins with ladybugs on them. All because I wouldn't come down the stairs to re-clean the basement freezer to her satisfaction (because I was suffering from severe cramps, sitting on the floor, waiting for the ibuprofen to kick in and couldn't walk at the moment).
It's just been really bad the past two weeks. I cried more in the past few days than I did all summer. I tried Terri separate interventions - one for the rage issues and another for depression and huge red flags for another mental illness - but they all ended with her issues literally stemming from me. Quote: "what will the doctor tell me? To quit my job and move out on my own? I dint need to go to a doctor, I need less STRESS in my life!" Last year it was me 'putting bleach in her water', this year it's 'keeping her up at night'. And it's always been backtalk and fighting when I'm just trying to calm her down. I'm also the cause of literally all her health problems... I'm not being sarcastic, it all comes down to me and that's why these interventions are so hard. It's clear to me now that she needs to see a doctor.
Honestly, I'm just so tired. I know now that what's happening isn't right but there's nothing I can do. I only moved back for the summer so she wouldn't have to give up our house (renting). I don't even know what the trigger is anymore. I never really knew... but even knowing that it's NOT me being crazy and actually a horrible person, I still don't know what she perceives that angers beer so much. I've asked and got no clear answers. She says it's the way I speak to her (???) but when I told her that her reactions weren't normal, she balked. And sometimes she says I keep her up at night, but that's literally not happening. I'm asleep or reading on bed with a lamp when she claims I wake her. She woke me up at 4am in a rage one night because "I woke her", but she woke me.
I need to shut up, it's way too late for me to be up. But I'm just so weary of all this. I spent my whole life doing everything right... no smoking, drugs, sex, parties, truancy, bad grades, social life, rebellion... nothing. She swears I'm rebellious but I'm on the dean's list... at university... in a medical undergrad.
Sometimes, I wish I had rebelled when I was a teen... maybe she'd realise how hard I'm trying. I just want her to get help. I'm going to miss my dog.