Not sure this fits. My brother in law was a police officer and was murdered while responding to a report (2 years ago). He was really my brother, he's been part of my life since I was 11. He was gracious and kind and I loved him a great deal. I've not been allowed to grieve.

My sister, his wife, has always been standoffish and cold. When she left for college when I was 14 I never heard from her again, even though my first boyfriend killed himself (while on the phone with me), my close friend died in a motorcycle crash (age 16) and my best friend who lived with me since we were 10 died in a car wreck (age 17). Oh and my parents divorced.

Anyway my sister now says she needs to just speak her mind which is basically a total lack of empathy for anyone else. I invited her to visit me and she said her vacation time was for something she would actually enjoy.. Resents anything good happening in my life and gets angry that my life goes on. She stalks Facebook and gets angry if Anyone posts happy things. My anniversary is one day after hers and when I mentioned we were going to the islands she told me I was insensitive. My husband and I haven't been on a vacation in 6 years because we were caregivers to his mother who had severe dementia.

In addition, my mother will only talk to me about my sister and her situation. She is mad at me for not spending all my vacation time with her and my sister. I took my first vacation in 5 years last year to see my mom and she "surprised" me after I flew 10 hours by driving another 8 hours to babysit my nieces for a week. I was really looking forward to being in my home town. Then I got a lecture that I wasn't at one of my 5 star resorts and that I needed to clean my sisters house and work in her garden.

Tldr: my sister had a horrible tragedy and no one is allowed to live life anymore.