My parents divorced when I was six. I saw my dad every other weekend and every Wednesday/Thursday. My parents never spoke to each other after their divorce was final. If there was some change in the schedule, my dad would call my house, ask to talk to me and have me relay information to my mom. Same with child support - he'd hand me a check and say to give it to my mom. They never spoke negatively about each other but they also never spoke of each other, at all, which adds a certain amount of tension alone.

My mom's house was my house. My dad's house was a room I visited. When I turned 16 and got my license, I never spent the night at his house again.

When you're raised in two homes, you feel that and by default, one parent becomes your go-to parent, your home and you are visiting the other one.

When I began dating my now husband, he had a one year old and the custody battle we had was terrible - accusations, restraining orders, constant police involvement. My stepson is here every other weekend and all summer. When he's here, he feels like he's just visiting, it's not "home." I've encouraged him to be very open about that because I went through it myself. My husband's parents are still married (40 years plus) so he has no idea what it's like.

The part that surprised me most is that at age 34, my parents divorce nearly 30 years ago still is an issue. Birthday parties for my kids? Can't invite them both. Basketball games? Need to alternate who we invite. Scheduling Christmas/Thanksgiving is a nightmare. It stresses me out to try and decide which "set" of parents gets invited to promotions or other school functions for my kiddos. I haven't had a family birthday for my kids unless one of my parents is out of town.

Sorry this is such a novel, must have triggered something. :/