sweetie, you are literally so out of line it’s fucking unbelievable. i could drag you so hard right now but i know you’ll just end up crying. i’ve roasted you before and you know it. chances are you’ll just say i bullied you because you’re gay and have different skin. talk shit get hit, you don’t wanna mess with me kiddo; i’ve got a black belt. i know threats are fucked up but that’s all i’ve been receiving all day, probably from her royal hoodrat olive and all of her nasty friends. but you can gang up on me and make fun of me for being goth all you want. i’ve been hurt a lot. my first boyfriend cheated on me, my dad screams if i forget to do my chores, and there are some days i don’t even want to get out of bed in the mornings. i’m a jaded teenage girl. i’ve been through shit that you wouldn’t even dream of. you think your life is hard? try asking the cutest guy in your grade out in the middle of the cafeteria only to find out he has a fucking girlfriend. you don’t know my life or my story so keep my name out of your nasty mouth. life is a battlefield and it looks like i’ve already won.
Here is how this is going to go.
(1) in turning over your rant to the local police and the FBI. Why? As there are several death threats in it, and I value my life dearly. I will be pursuing criminal charges to the fullest extent the law allows.
(2) I am going to subpoena Reddit or your IP address and regular account user name. I will ask that you be banded from the entire site permanently. If they chose to not do this I will name Reddit in the same civil lawsuit I intend on filing against you for mental damages.
(3) when the police, the FBI, and Reddit all laugh... I am going to the news. And trust me the news has a thing for cyber bullying right now. And while I am a man of large stature, I'd love to watch you e eaten alive in the court of public opinion.
So here is it, your last chance; give me your full legal name, give me your current address, give me your telephone number... These will only be used, and I swear on my children, in pending litigation against you... If you don't stop. If you want to continue this, you'll be responsible for your own undoing.
You have no idea the atrocities I am capable of. If you truly knew me, you would have never started this. If you have a CCW, this is good. If you carry a knife, even better. You'll need them if you intend on stopping a man of my caliber. And aim high, as that's the only way you'll ever stop me.
Wow, so you're LITERALLY 12 years old then.
But no, seriously? DO you realize how fucking juvenile that makes you look? To fucking hop on the internet, the modern cradle of innovation and intelligence, and just sit on a fucking imageboard all day posting the same le maymay ALL FUCKING DAY because it gets a rise out of some guy? Do you realize how fucking BAD that makes you look? No, seriously? I mean, while you're here posting that shit, I'm here in the intermission of getting money and fucking whatever cumslut I pick up from the nearby art school, I'm reading through the thread and laugh my ASS THE FUCK OFF because there is seriously someone who is SERIOUSLY enough of a FUCKING LOSER that he posts things on the Internet JUST TO MAKE PEOPLE MAD.
THAT'S HILARIOUS.
BECAUSE THAT'S ALL YOU'LL EVER AMOUNT TO. And then I go return to being productive, something I won't even bother explaining to you because the concept of achievement is something surely so foreign to your puny, inept and ultimately inconsequential existence and brain that it's really not worth the effort.
You're a failure at life.
Yep, a failure. So, I guess you ought to enjoy those fleeting moments of "lulz xD he so mad xDDDD" before your parents' patience towards the growing stench of hotpocket-pizza-roll casserole and sweat that reeks from their basement is fully exhausted, at which point they'll be throwing you out, to the streets, where I doubt those memories will bring much solace.
Let me preface this by saying that I've been a memer since they first appeared on 4chan circa 2006 (ages ago in internet time). I remember refreshing /b/ all afternoon with the hope that someone would make a new meme. I was a memer back when Advice Dog was the only one and I still upvote every Advice Dog meme I see becasue of the fond rush of nostalgia it brings me. Nowadays, there are many thousand on quickmeme and other meme websites. I was a memer back before memegenerator was created (the first meme website) and I had to make them with MS Powerpoint or Paint. Speaking of meme websites, I was one of the first submitters to memebase.com and still have one of the top accounts there despite having migrated to reddit nearly 2 years ago. It was on 4chan and memebase where I cut my teeth creating memes, way before I had a reddit account and way before /r/adviceanimals was created in late 2010. Back before I could get any sort of points or even username recognition, I was creating memes as a clever and easily digestible way to reflect on society, relate some story to my audience, or just be funny.
Do you remember rich raven? No? I do. You probably don't remember depression dog, crazy girlfriend praying mantis, introspective pug, or friendzone Johnny either. I remember all of them. In fact, you have only submitted two posts to adviceanimals garnering a total of just 4 points and have not commented there any time recently. So please, respect my judgement regarding the direction of the subreddit and the integrity of posts I have held dear to my heart for nearly 7 years but you have no strong feelings for.
Thanks.