It's probably still there. Buried underneath layers of shit you've built up as a survival mechanism, it's still there. Those other things were survival mechanisms only. They served their purpose. And it was not your fault that you had to put them there, the responsibility for that lies solely on your abuser. But now you're (presumably) out, so you can work on discarding them. It can be hard to let go of this thing that helped you survive, so please try to find a supportive group of friends and a good, trained professional to help you do this.

My wife remembered that growing up, her sister was this awesome, goofy, outgoing, open, fun person. Until we realized the extent of the abuse and how it had affected her, she thought SIL had just changed into this serious, closed-off, distant, kind of mean person (I had only ever known her as this). As all the layers of shit fell off, it was like she got the sister she remembered from childhood back again. But it wasn't painless, she was hard to be close to for the initial bit because the defense mechanisms she'd built coupled with the completely understandable overreactions she'd sometimes have made her an excessively irritating person. And it wasn't easy for her either. She said that it felt like trusting anyone with anything (anything, even just saying a plan for the next day) - even my wife and me who had spent tons of time, money, and sleepless nights helping her out of this situation - was taking a huge risk.

So that person is still in there. There's a lot of shit you need to clean off that you had to add to survive the abuse. But that's over (I hope, don't know your story), it's time to get some help cleaning it off.

My Nex always insisted that I had to be happy. He literally wanted to force me to be happy for his own selfish reasons, not because he cared about my well-being. Deep down he knew I was miserable because he abused me and my misery was a reminder of his ugliness. I learned that for him, feelings and emotions don´t just happen. For him, feelings were masks he put on to sustain his elaborated facade. For me, it felt like someone constantly punching me in the face and telling me to smile.