Can I share a bit of my own story with you? I'm a woman, and I kind of got to the same position as what you are describing. Essentially, I got plenty of attention for looks, but when I tried to form attachment, I got shunned. I wasn't terribly experienced with attachment to begin with, so I'm sure I also came across in a weird way. Anyway, I simply chose to believe that I was the problem and I was disgusting and never wanted to truly open up and be vulnerable with anyone again. When someone tried to get closer, I just burned everything down as fast as I could out of fear that they would see the real, disgusting me and leave just like everyone else did.

Then I got tired of living like that and losing everything that was dear to me and I worked on the problem. Meditative practices have helped and what I do to get comfortable with my own feelings is to allow them to wash over me when I'm alone. A friendly warning: if you haven't allowed yourself to show emotion for years, there's a ton of stuff that will come out :-) You'll just have to let it. I do this, because it helps me to become more comfortable with who I am (inside and out). If you bottle up everything, there is no nuance when you try to be vulnerable with another person. It either does not come out at all, or it all comes out without any control and overwhelms the other person as well. (By the way, I think this might be one of the problems men have when starting relationships: they go from zero to hundred in a very short time and freak out the woman in the process. Just a thought.)

I am now taking the responsibility of my own happiness and what I bring into the relationship (at least in theory, I'm not dating). The other person has to take responsibility of their words and actions. If someone wants me to open up and be vulnerable and I do so and don't place any unreasonable weight on their shoulders when doing so, then they should be able to handle it. If they can't, then perhaps the problem was them and not me? You just have to be comfortable with yourself and know what's reasonable and what isn't to not get sucked into relationships where the other person puts the blame on you for their own shortcomings.

Please don't throw away your chance to a beautiful life with raw and thrilling experiences because of someone who at the time was incapable of handling a situation. I still get the feeling that I just want to go and sit in a corner and sulk at everyone because the world is stupid, but then I would be only hurting myself. I'm probably going to be around for a few more decades, so why not use that time to mature and do even the scary things? In the grand scheme of things, whether you open up or not makes no difference, but for you it's going to be a long and boring life. That would be sad, because with some courage everything could be different.